Day 23: Lowlight Reel

Day 23: “Lowlight Reel”

In today’s world, we love showing everyone how cool, funny, or awesome our lives are.

On social media, we always see the highlight reel of people’s lives — the kind that makes you think, “I wish I could do what they’re doing.”

I post travel pictures on Instagram, post Snap stories of friends, and retell tales of crazy parties, music concerts, and different countries. While all these things do take place in my life, there’s almost always a whole other side to it.

Even though what I’m doing right now might appeal to a lot of people — leaving school and traveling around the world — it’s never really easy. There’s always a lowlight reel that’s never shown to the world.

A glimpse of my own lowlight reel reveals the two months I spent working in Malaysia were probably the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life.

This was probably because very few people are in the same situation as I am — twenty years old, haven’t graduated, traveling and finding work experience in various countries.  In Malaysia, I lived in an apartment, and I worked everyday from 10 am to 6 pm. I guess I could’ve went out to meet people, but I think I just wasn’t in that headspace at the time. It becomes hard to form relationships with others when your life is going in a completely different direction that theirs.

I guess what I’m saying is there’s a loneliness to knowing that there are no people around you walking the same path as you. And there’s a frustration that follows this loneliness when you realize that nobody can help you walk this path but yourself. There are times when the loneliness and frustration gets to be too much, and there’s nothing else you can do but try to hold yourself together.

This is where I would normally flash a small smile, rub the back of my head with one hand, and let out a sigh to diffuse the sadness.

Despite all this, learning how to be alone is probably the most important lesson I learned while I was in Malaysia. It was depressing and frustrating, and I spent a lot of time in my own head, asking myself questions and thinking thoughts that I normally wouldn’t have. But honestly, I think I’ve grown up quite a bit. I’ve learned that these lowlight situations are when I grow the most. Despite the frustration that comes with loneliness, there’s also a way to find excitement and motivation. My way involved reading, exercising, watching movies, and listening to podcasts. And now I’ve found writing.

Each of these are ways that I try to better myself — try to put myself in a better mental state — because, sometimes, the only way to change your situation in life is by changing yourself.

When you’re alone, you realize that no one walks the same path as you and few know how to help you. But, the truth is, no one has ever made a difference by being like everyone else.