Day 117: “Not My Energy”
I live in a thirty person house now.
Today I was asked the question, “What do you love most about this house?”
It’s not really possible to pin down the answer with just one word. I love my bed, I love my sense of community, I love the people, I love the breakfast gatherings — a lot.
I guess what makes this house different than all the other housing arrangements I’ve been a part of in my past year of traveling and moving from one community to another is — here, I don’t waste my energy on myself.
Remember the energy you feel when your blood is pumping because you’re on your feet — moving from one task to the next — in order to help someone?
Now, remember the energy you feel when you’re trying to help yourself — the “This week, I need to do better…” or, “Tomorrow, I promise I will do this…”?
For me, the time and energy that comes when I’m helping someone else is effortless.
Applied to my house of thirty people — the aspect of this house that I love most is the environment and sense of community that has been created where I no longer have to waste energy.
Living with so many people who are aware of community and other people has allowed me to lessen the thought and care that I need to prioritize for myself.
I still need to think for myself — for my future, career, and success — but when I wake up in the morning and stumble sleepily in the kitchen, I can slowly take my time to cut my potatoes and brew my tea. I leave the hugging and yelling to my housemates.
My energy — the one that annoyingly says, “Ok Shihan, time to wake up! — is not necessary because I have other friends — coming into the kitchen, yelling and bustling about to make coffee and snag a small bite of the pancakes before they run out the door. Or the ones that sleepwalk (figuratively) into the kitchen and make a beeline to the speakers to play music — and in the next instant, they are dancing, hugging everyone, and ready for the day.
I no longer have to waste energy to motivate myself to wake up or make plans for my day — I have friends who can help me. By the end of my eggs and potatoes, I’m energized to grab my backpack, find the café I will work in for the rest of the day, and complete my goals one after the other.
In return, I am privileged and ecstatic to give my energy to the house in return — to help my friends feel more comfortable in who they are and empowered to do what they believe is right.
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Thank you for taking the time to read my emotions and realizations.
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